you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Im part way to drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
