this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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