i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
