dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it glows. i had to have it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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