After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
