speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
