Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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