Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
