This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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