I think I died a long time ago.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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