the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
