I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
