I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do herpes really smell.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
