You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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