I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
