Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
