This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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