I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
