just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
