I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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