u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize