i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
