Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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