im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
