Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Blood and glitter go together right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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