I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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