Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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