Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
