I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize