....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
