Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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