I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
