Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
