I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
