yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
