Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
