you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
