I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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