i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
