he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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