I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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