Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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