Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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