the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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