I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
