I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
