At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
