i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
