hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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