Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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