I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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