areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
