I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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