new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
