Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
