sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
