Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
