WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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