youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
