He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
