Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
