I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
