you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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