I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
