I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
