i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just blew my weed a kiss
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize