I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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