I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize