So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
