in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
