New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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