Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
