i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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